Please raise your right hand:
I ________ vow that from this moment on, and on all things, will I take a stance of passive aggression. I will be mildly insulting and vaguely threatening. I will procrastinate. I will not be punctual. I will limit my conversational repertoire to deadpan humor and will prefer tactless, contextually humorous post-it notes over direct, personal confrontation. In the event that I find it necessary to perform an act of true aggression, I will inform all concerned parties of my intentions with a well-written memorandum printed out in comic sans.
Congratulations new brothers and sisters!
-italktocarrotsticks
P.S. was supposed to write a speech for a communications class. Did this instead. You think I-
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